To do something

I seem to know quite a few people at the moment who are doing big things.

Studying abroad. Planning weddings. Making films. Landing internships. Making speeches.

I wish I were one of them.

I did something over interterm. In three weeks, I, along with three other girls, researched, conducted interviews, and wrote an entire book on Skid Row in Los Angeles. A book that’s actually going to be published. It was amazing. It was intense, challenging, and exhausting, but amazing. And I miss it. I wish all my semesters could be like that.

I love Torrey and it has definitely been an incredible growing experience, but at the moment, standing at the edge of another semester crammed with hundreds of pages of reading, hours upon hours of discussion and lectures, and endless notes and essays, I’m honestly finding myself wishing for something else. As much as being in Torrey has been amazing, I don’t really want to go through this one more semester of that all-consuming, all-demanding 12 units that leave little time for my 6 units worth of journalism classes. I’ve actually preferred that the last three semesters. But now that I’ve had a taste of what it’s like to be a journalist, and not a Torrey student, I don’t feel ready to switch back.

It’s only one more semester of this.

But that’s saying a lot. There is no “only” with Torrey. I’m burned out.

I don’t want to spend the whole semester isolated in my room poring over books that are three inches thick into the wee hours of the night. I don’t want to go through a highlighter a week and use up two ink cartridges printing out all my painstaking notes. I don’t want my life for the next four months to consist primarily of reading and discussion and notes, and only secondarily (and that’s distantly) of journalism and my three jobs, with only visits to Facebook to really give me some semblance of contact with the outside world. 

Part of me aspires to be an academic, the kind of person who can churn out profound thoughts and lengthy papers at whim.

Part of me is so tired of trying to be that. 

I ask good questions. I write well. And I’ve discovered I prefer using those things for journalism rather than for hundreds-years-old books. 

I want to DO something.


I need to learn it…

To do something

One thought on “To do something

  1. I think there can be "onlys" in Torrey. My older sister went through the program eight years ago, and she would often give me this refreshing reminder whenever I was headed back after a break: "It's only school." More specifically, Torrey is only gen-ed. I think you're right on wanting to focus on your major, because you're not majoring in Torrey.However, I know that's really hard to feel those things when you're in the middle of it, but I found that if anything, Torrey is designed to prepare us for those bigger and better things we all long for. And it's great that you're discovering what those things are, because isn't that what college is all about, figuring out what you want to be and do? (To some extent, at least.) And remember, this is the last 12-unit semester. After this, it'll be a breeze! And you've got the rest of your life to be a truth-discovering, world-changing, award-winning journalist ;-)

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