A year ago, I liked safe. Trendy. Blonde. Pop/rock. Sarcasm. Complexity. Noticeable. Jeans. Movies. Predictable. L.A. Pretending/trying to be deep. Answers.
Now, I like unconventional. Vintage. Red. Indie (though I admit I still have a “sweet tooth” for Top 100 hits). British wit. Simplicity. Subtlety. Dresses. Stories. Change. NorCal. Admitting I’m not deep. Questions.
College has been good for me. I hate the phrase “finding myself,” because who I was before was who I was then. I haven’t found something I’d ever lost, or become something I ever wasn’t. It’s just growth, change, maturing, living.
There will never come a day that I cross some metaphorical line and say, “Oh, now I know who I am, now I know who I am supposed to be, now I have become.” God works in every moment. I was who He had planned for me to be before, I am who He planned for me to be now, I will be who He plans for me to be in the future.
I hear people say that they are “becoming who God wants them to be,” which in a sense is true, but I don’t believe that God is ever dissatisfied with His constant process of creating us. Not to say that we should ever content ourselves with immobility or imperfection or passivity, but that we should embrace that each moment, and who we are in it, matters. Is significant. Is, in its own way, beautiful.
Not because of us. We are often ugly. But God’s work in our ugliness is so great that it is often painful, and always beautiful.