“This is real.”
I almost cried. Not with fear or frustration, but with relief. 15 months of wondering whether the pain was all in my head, whether I was making a big deal out of nothing, of tests coming back normal and reinforcing those doubts, and finally, some validation.
I’ve spent the last few weeks afraid that this doctor and these tests would come up with the same answer — that nothing appeared to be wrong. I waited in tense silence as the doctor looked over the test results, expecting him to tell me that he couldn’t see anything abnormal — that the one test that came back abnormal was just a fluke. But instead, he told me that a handful of my tests came back pointing to a liver problem.
I told him I was so thankful that something was actually showing up, a reason for the pain, because I had been worried.
He replied, “No, there’s definitely a problem here. This is real.”
Bad news has never been such good news.
I didn’t completely follow everything he said might be the exact problem, but I caught the words “autoimmune,” “antibodies,” and a disease I can’t pronounce. I don’t know how many of those things might be fixable, or how many of them might mean a much longer road of being sick. We’ll get some more answers after a liver biopsy in the next week or two. But for right now, I’m so relieved that there is an explanation for the pain, regardless of what the ramifications may be, after so many months of questioning doctors and questioning myself.
Thank you, God.