Courtesy of Mark Harbison.
Q: What’s green and goes “Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam!” A: A four-door pickle.
Q: How long is Pinocchio’s nose? A: Eleven inches, because if it were twelve, it would be a foot.
Q: How far can you chase someone into a forest? A: Halfway, because after that you’re chasing them out of the forest.
Q: What’s brown and sticky? A: A stick.
Q: What did the leftovers say when they were put back into the fridge? A: “Gahhh! Foiled again!”
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall? A: “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
Q: Why didn’t the tricycle want to hang out with the bicycles? A: Because he’d feel like a third wheel. (A Harbison original)
Q: What’s green and has wheels? A: Grass. I lied about the wheels. (My only joke)
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, “Hey, it’s getting hot in here!” The second muffin replies, “Oh my gosh! A talking muffin!”