The 56 best/worst similes

Borrowed from this blog.

  1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
  2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
  3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
  4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  6. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
  7. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  9. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  10. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  11. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  12. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
  13. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  14. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
  15. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at asolar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  16. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  17. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
  18. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  19. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
  20. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  21. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
  22. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
  23. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it hadrusted shut.
  24. He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
  25. She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
  26. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  27. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  28. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  29. “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
  30. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
  31. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
  32. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
  33. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
  34. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
  35. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”
  36. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
  37. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
  38. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
  39. Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.
  40. Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
  41. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”
  42. Oooo, he smells bad, she thought, as bad as Calvin Klein’s Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.
  43. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
  44. He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.
  45. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
  46. Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and then held up to catch the light.
  47. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.
  48. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.
  49. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn.
  50. Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
  51. It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
  52. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
  53. You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
  54. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
  55. Her lips were red and full, like tubes of blood drawn by an inattentive phlebotomist.
  56. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

[UPDATE 12/1/11: While the post I borrowed this from identified these gems as having been written by high schoolers, it has come to my attention that most, if not all, of them are actually submissions to a Washington Post contest. As a journalist, I felt it necessary to correct that misunderstanding. The original post also called these analogies instead of similes — I left the title as it originally was for awhile since I was borrowing it in the first place, but enough people objected violently in the comments that I opted to change it.]

The 56 best/worst similes

327 thoughts on “The 56 best/worst similes

      1. Oh well. says:

        Similes are a subset of Analogies. It’s like saying a Square is not a Rectangle because it is a Square. A Square is just a specific type of rectangle just as a simile is a very specific type of analogy. Now relax and enjoy the Internet.

      1. Bridie says:

        When did “analogies,” “rectangle,” and “square” become proper nouns? If anything, analogies are a subset of similes; analogies have a completely different purpose.

      2. Trapezoids are a subset, and they have their own trailer usually, and the pretty one sometimes falls in love with a clown, but it doesn’t work out, and then, insisting one day that they try a triple without a net, the father falls to his death.

      3. They argued over piddly details like grammar Nazis are wont to argue, even though they are not Nazis because they don’t round up people and gas them and they have no intention of bombing London. Still they were annoying, like grammar Nazis who can’t take a joke, which is really all grammar Nazis except for those who do have a sense of humor but still like to annoy people anyway.

    1. Mariana says:

      Thank you! Some of these are wonderful, they are imaginative and funny. I imagine that people could write wonderful things if the nay sayers were not always insisting on following prescriptions of what constitutes “educated” writing. The best writers are the ones that surprise us.

    2. Alice says:

      i’m sorry but i have to say this or else it will just bug the hell out of me, to response of ‘Oh well’ a square isn’t a type of rectangle they are both seperate shapes however both are a form of quadrilaterals. but this site has been really helpful for my A-level english thank you :D

      1. Kate says:

        Actually, a square is a rectangle with specific restrictions. A rectangle does not specify that it has to have two different lengths. Nice try, though.

    3. revan says:

      56 is an oxymoron. 10 cyan, 10 magenta, 60 yellow, and 10 black would not look rich or like a sunset. It would look like a lemon. Also, that’s not how color is measured. What he/she means is 245 red , 245 green, 60 blue, and 245 black; and the amount of black is determined automatically by the other three values and changing it will change the other values as well. What he/she should say is a hue of 43, but sunsets are usually between 15 and 30. Furthermore, the jpeg file itself is not colored as it is just a magnetic pattern on a hard drive.

      1. they didn’t say “10 cyan 10 magenta 60 yellow and 10 black”… go back and read… the spelled the words out but they said “10% cyan 10% magenta 60% yellow and 10% black” so it doesn’t matter the measurements they should have used… they used percentages… you can use fractions and percentages to measure almost anything… so… revan, learn how to lighten up and just have fun? not everything has to be technical and perfectly accurate… most of these made no sense anyways… they’re just for fun… take a chill pill man

  1. Br!ce says:

    I haven’t laughed this hard since that time Bryanne kicked me off the bed. Getting kicked by her was like when you fight Bowser in Super Mario World and you think you’ve won but instead the ground beneath you turns to lava. Yeah, like that.

      1. Scott from KC says:

        Bingo. Those who find this to be sad are humorless and probably dine regularly at places like Applebee’s or Chili’s because they prefer the taste of mundane over creativity.

        Chris, you nailed it like Tiger’s ex-wife armed with an angry Escalade.

      2. Some people are thick, when it comes to humour – thick like the cardboard insert they put in gift boxes containing small items so the ‘gift’ look bigger.

      1. I did too…some where pathetic but a lot of them where very clever….and you can tell the kids that had a great sense of humor to those who just could not write…..thanks for sharing!

      2. doc mom says:

        I did too and was actually thinking of “borrowing” the one about the pleasant date who would be known as “second tall man” in the movie credits

    1. B. Posthumus says:

      You really think this list of (likely fictional) analogies is proof of our inadequate educational system? Some people will jump on any opportunity to criticize education. Do you even know what system these originated from? Perhaps the teacher corrected the weak or nonsensical ones, but even teachers need a laugh, don’t they?

      1. DJennings says:

        They’re not precisely fictional, these are entries in the annual Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. The “maggots in hot grease” one was one of the winners.

      2. greg says:

        I don’t need a list like this to criticize out educational system. All I have to do is just LOOK AROUND.

      3. Does it change your opinion that it turns out this list was actually compiled from contest entries for bad similes? I’m sure these people were products of the educational system, too. Paradoxically, it takes a good writer to know how to write badly. Bad writers, on the other hand, don’t even realize their writing is poor.

      4. SWRusso says:


        If you would like proof of an inadequate education simply look in the mirror. If you really want to do something about “out” educational system, however, I suggest you do something positive instead of simply pointing fingers and hurling accusations. ( I am sure you meant “our”, but it stings a bit when you cannot spell during a rant about our teachers and our educational system).

        “greg – December 1, 2011 at 9:58 am
        I don’t need a list like this to criticize out educational system. All I have to do is just LOOK AROUND.”

    2. Jim Brogan says:

      This defines a joke. Most, if not all, of these are clearly fabricated and in no way originated from actual high school papers or students. Funny, but fictional. And if you want to fix our educational system, get rid of tenure ;)

      1. Marie Rozalia says:

        See, I think at least some of them are original. I am in university and part of a writing exercise we needed to bring in a high school paper or two… We had quite a few analogies that could rival these ones =D

      2. Educator not a spectator says:

        If you want to fix our educational system, find out what’s actually wrong with it. Unless you’ve actually been a part of it, you have no grounds on which to pass judgment on it.

    3. Craig Shealy says:

      IF you can create the most horrible sentence, or Analogy, you must be capable of some really great writing. These kids are BRILLIANT!

    4. katherine says:

      I actually think these similes are rather creative. I wouldn’t be so pessimistic about our education system if we can keep this kind of creativity…

    1. c. wingfield says:

      I agree. Very entertaining. Something we desperately need during otherwise dreary days. Made me giggle, and you can’t measure that in dollars. Lighten up folks and enjoy the humor no matter the origin.

  2. JHamonthelam says:

    Having just read Orwell’s “Politics and the English Language,” I think Georgie would have appreciated very much these very fresh constructions.

  3. Josh says:

    See… I’d like to hope that some of these are intentionally phrased for humor. If so, it bodes well for the entertainment industry.

    And come to think of it, many of the better ones have definite contemporary lit humor about them. Love it.

  4. Wendy Thomas says:

    Oh these are just lovely, as lovely as one of those little boxes with a pinhole in it that you use to look at the solar eclipse.

    1. Kerry says:

      Yeah, it’s like so many of them speak from a genuine experience… that little guy has been trying to get an autograph for years.

  5. Damn, that made me laugh. Really laugh. The kind of deep prolonged, howling, crying, whimpering laugh that someone listening to it from the other side of the wall might easily surmise something terrible is going on in here and run for their lives.

  6. Adam says:

    Where is the reblog button on … oh, yes. WordPress, right. I was as frustrated as a rebel x-wing pilot who had run out of photon torpedoes.

      1. Becky says:

        A-ha! Thank you for posting about the Vogon ships. I was wracking my brain trying to remember where I read that.

  7. Dave says:

    “This certainly defines the condition of our educational system… Sadly inadequate!”

    This also applies to whoever labeled these things “analogies” in the first place.

    They’re similies, or in a few cases, like #28, not poetic devices at all.

  8. Brian says:

    These have little or nothing to do with high school students and were all written intentionally as humor, either by Jack Handey or for the Bulwet-Lytton contest. Furthermore, they’ve been bouncing around the Net for eons, as evidenced by the Nancy Kerrigan reference. Why lie and say they’re the work of high schoolers?

  9. brerjohn says:

    42 stands out to me… for some reason I cannot define, like the feeling of a thought that lingers on the edge of your consciousness like a black cat watching you from outside because it peed outside the litter box too often.

  10. Bill L. Behrendt says:

    Many of these are almost entirely, but not quite exactly as close as an i is to an l in a word ending in -il or -ill or even -ily to something akin to what might have been written by someone of a very close likeness to a resemblance of something written by Douglas Adams.

    Which is to say that I was very entertained by the lot.

  11. Lee Eisenberg says:

    Here’s one that I would write:

    Sitting in the castle while the storm raged outside, a strange feeling came over me, as though Jeannie (“I Dream of Jeannie”), Samantha (“Bewitched”) and I were battling twenty-eyed gorgothoids from Alpha Centauri.

  12. It was #27 that made me repost it… I don’t believe for a moment that these are anything other than deliberately crafted jokes by adults posing as high school kids. But who cares?

  13. Conrad says:

    Like Nigel Tufnel said in Spinal Tap, “There’s a fine line between clever and…” “Stupid.”

    I really can’t tell if some of these are mistakes or genius, because there are a few that are just too perfect. Every once in a while people despair about the youth of America – this has just restored all of my confidence in the next generation.

  14. Laugh out loud funny! Like the kind of laughter that’s the opposite of crying because you caught your loving and devoted partner of 10 years making out with a college freshman in your shower when you came home from work early because you were fired. ;)

  15. Casey says:

    I’m actually an English Education major and these cracked me up. There were some that were bad or “dumb,” but some of those were really creative and I would burst out with joyful laughter if I read one of those in a student’s paper.

  16. GWhill says:

    I highly doubt high school kids actually wrote these. I work with youth and … too many sound identical in style and also show a level of social knowledge they just don’t have yet BUT they were still a riot. I just wish whoever wrote them would just… say they wrote them! They’re no funnier just because they’re being billed as high schoolers.

  17. Warren says:

    #18 is a modified version of a simile tht Douglas Adams used in Hitchhiker’s Guide to describe the Vogon Constructor fleet. MOST of these are actually pretty good.

  18. Ian "Mak" Makay says:

    Just one question…. Are you sure these were high school student? LOL

    Having taught high school ELA, college journalism, and edited *professional* writers I’ve wondered at the growing similarity in ability and style.

    At moments like these I find myself compelled to, once again, weigh the work of an Ernest Hemingway against someone slightly more verbose … James Fenimore Cooper comes to mind.

    Everything, including metaphors, similes (might I add *spell check* as a suggestion), analogies, adjectives, adverbs, food, political views, and critiques, are best served in moderation and with ample forethought.


  19. ED DOVER says:

    I have to agree with the comments that these were NOT written by high-school students, having taught English and writing to juniors and seniors for 35 years. I had maybe a dozen who could have written as well as these have been, and I detect the fragrant aroma (or odor) of entries to the BULWER-LYTTON BAD WRITING CONTEST that I submit entries to every year…but whoever wrote them DID make me laugh…or groan…

  20. suze says:

    hmmm…how about one of your recent posts for #57 – superfluous writing is like a puppy. something about killing it if it’s not necessary.

  21. Susie says:

    I agree that these are from the Bulwer Litton writing competition or the Washington Post’s Style Invitational (Google them if you don’t know what I’m talking about – I’m sure that I saw the $1 beer line published in the latter). If so, these are proof that you have to be a very good writer to write really bad literature. Thanks for making me smile!

  22. Katherine Stolarski says:

    These are hilarious. Doesn’t matter who they really came from, they sound like what highschoolers would say.

  23. Any number of these could potentially replace what I have long said was my favorite simile, the one I have always used as an example when teaching simile: “The guy was about as subtle as a tarantula on a piece of angel food cake” (Mickey Spillane). My only objections are # 18 (a variation on a Douglas Adams line) and # 20 (which, as a simile, I can’t really fault, but eurgh).

  24. Jon says:

    Does it not matter to anyone that this list has been debunked already on They weren’t written by high school students, it was part of a competition to write bad metaphors. I tried posting the link but the post was deleted.


    We all need to learn and practice, don’t we? I am sure that I could pull out some of my high school journals and flame red with embarrassment after confronting my disastrous word groupings.

    The point is trying. We won’t ever understand the flavors of the words unless we taste them on our tongues.

  26. Sir Isaac Newton says:

    When I read these I was put in mind of my own schooldays, only we didn’t have computers then so that part of it didn’t really put me in mind of it. But the mistakes were the same. Well, not really the same, but similar – not that I can really remember any of them. But I’m pretty sure some students made similar mistakes. Especially that one guy with the funny eye who sat behind me in Math class.You thought he was looking at you but you realized he wasn’t, and when you took his pen he smacked you on the hand cause he’d been looking a you all along. Wonder what he’s doing now? Thanks – these were great!

  27. Holy crap. I laughed until I cried, you know, like those people with pseudobulbar affect disorder who laugh and cry at inappropriate times and get prescribed Nuedexta because their physician got paid a visit by the drug rep toting Jason’s Deli (but didn’t bring any cookies?! WTH?) except their insurance company won’t pay for something outrageously expensive that costs pennies to make. Except in this case, my crying- laughter was entirely appropriate.

  28. The original version of the little square things that tie up bread bags were called Kwik Loks. Their inventor was an acquaintance of my mom’s family when she was growing up in Yakima, Washington. I have never met anyone (other than Wikipedia) who knows this.

    1. @sisterone: that rocks! Am I the only person who reuses their bread tags? Has anyone else ever fiddled with a bread tag and got it stuck on their front teeth, or just my brother? [these comments are at least as much fun as the original post…]

  29. beenasarwar says:

    HAHAHA. :D Agree with Barbara above, “The origins of this list may have been debunked, but the list itself is hilarious. Enjoy it for what it’s worth.”

  30. mdprincing says:

    I had to be careful, I laughed out loud so many times people in the office kept looking, not one of those throaty genuine laughs thankfully

  31. me says:

    Ten seconds into this, it was apparent none were written by high schoolers, but it amazed me more than there were folks that believed it. Funny stuff however.

  32. Samantha says:

    I am pretty sure #16 made me laugh the hardest, like a former Catholic school girl who laughs like an unapologetic sinner at Catholic jokes.

  33. M.M. Gilligan says:

    These are plagairized from the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest. They were all written intentionally by adults attempting to write the worst possible opening line for a book. There are prizes in several categories. It’s an homage to E. Bulwer-Lytton, author of Paul Clifford, which starts, “It was a dark and stormy night…” Actually, the sentence goes on and on and gets even worse. The website is hilarious, but often has its entries stolen by people who have some sort of agenda to make our teenagers look stupid, or our teachers incompetent. Enjoy the joke, but don’t pass on the urban myth that it’s all unintentional bad writing.

  34. My favorite? I think it’s #39: “Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually.”

    #51 (“It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.”) is I, think, ripped-off from Thurber’s The 13 clocks: “Something very much like nothing anyone had ever seen before came trotting down the stairs and crossed the room. ‘What is that?’ the Duke asked, palely. ‘I don’t know what it is,’ said Hark, ‘but it’s the only one there ever was.’”

      1. Indeed. 13 clocks remains in my all time top 10 list. Thurber is amazing and Simonts drawings complement like, well, something which complements something else perfectly…

  35. Sonya says:

    These are awesome! Thank you for posting them and thanks to my FB friend for sending me here. ;-) Good luck with your future endeavors! Love your Blog! :-)

  36. Whoever wrote the analogy about that brother-in-law Phil definitely has potential as a humor writer. I’d definitely read the rest of that story just because that analogy is a pair of powerhouse sentences.

  37. I love these! Some of them are truly awful, laughable really, but as I writer I can honestly say there are hidden gems in here. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are just…bad. But the Hefty bag full of soup one tickled my fancy, as did “Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever…”

  38. Lu says:

    for me to post a comment at this stage is as useless as realizing you are the first person to talk a certain way and then notice that the fact everyone else is talking at the same time, in their own way, makes your realization about talking that particular way very uninteresting.

  39. claire says:

    A lot of these made me think of A Series Of Unfortunate Events and how creative Lemony Snicket’s analogies were. Thanks for a fun read!

  40. Katie says:

    Love these, whatever they are. I think the brother-in-law, Phil can tell us how to accidentally staple your tongue to the wall. I read this to my son while we were awaiting his blood test results in the ER tonight. A much needed respite from the boredom of the nothingness and waiting. It also proves that laughter is the best medicine.

    “As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!”
    P.S. Do you all know how hard it is keep from laughing your hardest in an ER? Side splitting hard.

  41. It’s a mixed bag. Not all of these are similes (#17, #30 and #35, for example). And at times there can be overlap between analogy and simile. #35 has an implied analogy. So does #30.

    All that boring stuff said, many of these are very funny!

  42. Loved this so much. Laughed until my ribs were sore. It will now be our family’s Christmas writing game, on a par with writing limericks one line each and WRITE DRAW WRITE DRAW – time to put a load of writing games on my blog. Thank you Bethany!

  43. LOVE! Also, I agree with an earlier comment that some of them were surprisingly good – there were a few I thought would work fabulously in a particular style of book (like A. Lee Martinez’s work). They’d work because they are so darn ridiculous….

  44. it’s funny because a lot of these books remind me of the writing styles of modern authors such as David Sedaris and Dave Eggers. Quirky, fun, and a tad bit whimsical. Just like a quirky and fun simile that is a tad bit whimsical….

  45. IncludeHearingTech@YrPublicEvents says:

    Where are the “best” ones? By that, I mean good ones that aren’t funny by reason of clueless, (no matter whether they’re similes). Still fun to read up to a point. Good to learn about Kwik Locks though! Thanks to that commenter.

  46. bikerjob says:

    4.From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

    A peach among many – fabulous stuff

  47. Clay Browne says:

    Congratulations for scrolling down this far!
    Real or not, high schoolers or not, a commentary on our educational system or not – these are just plain FUNNY! Enjoy them for the simple gift of laughter they can bring. Who fries maggots, anyway? But the verbal imagery is as funny as (insert favorite here……)

  48. Richard-Yves Sitoski says:

    Frankly, many of these are quite good.

    25, 18, 29, 39, 33, 30 … and the inimitable 27.

    While most on here are funny because they reveal a lack of skill or creativity, these display a wonderfully twisted logic that is more than likely deliberate.

    1. Richard-Yves Sitoski says:

      In fact, I wonder if many of these aren’t simply “ringers” made up by adults. I’ve taught languages and writing at the high school level, and never got too many really clever ones. Suspicious.

  49. Jac says:

    I feel obligated, as a graphic designer, to point out that the color specified in number 56(C10,M10,Y60,K10) is an icky yellow/brown color that can best be described as “baby diarrhea”

    1. A sunset in the hues of baby diarrhea? I’ll never look at the sunset the same way again. Matter of fact, I may need one of those boxes with the pinhole so my eyes don’t burn like ant you’ve lit on fire using a magnifying glass.

  50. Brendan says:

    His thoughts were as sluggish as a lame ant dragging a dead elephant up a mud hill in a rainstorm, but he had high hopes.

  51. some of these were extremely painful to read, like when you have to strain your eyes to see the letters on a page and it hurts your eyes so much that you literally feel pain when you’re reading.


  52. Here’s another one:

    ‘She had a tinkling laugh which always surprised him, like when you accidentally clash two glasses together in the washing up and one of them cuts your finger off’. ‘

  53. Mike says:

    The foregoing battles of grammatical correctness confirm one of life’s truisms:

    Verbal jousts are like pissing contests; the biggest dick always wins.

    1. jedi princess says:

      This reminds me of something my daughter wrote about me a couple months ago, she was learning about similes in school and was assigned as homework to write a sentence with a simile in it. She Is only 8 years old and I was 28 at the time and only weigh 130lbs. She wrote the following: My mom is as big as a 41 year old. Very excitedly she brought it to me with a big smile, she was so proud of herself. I read it and gave her a very puzzled look, She said “mom you are” I asked her how big a 41 year old would be. she said not 41 year old a 14 year old, you look just like one. she was trying to compliment me but got her numbers mixed up. Children take it as such a compliment when we tell ’em how big of a lock so she was complimenting me

  54. Nan Miller says:

    For those who took this opportunity to rail against public education: please remember that you can mandate education, but you cannot force ANYONE to learn what you are trying to teach! And that fact is not an excuse, nor reason we should stop trying. Just an explanation for what we see. Despite how dismal the grammar, speaking or writing skills of many, those were much worse before compulsory education in the USA.

  55. If you take all of these as sarcasm, some are actually quite brilliant. Number six is a favorite. I also like the awkwardly hilarious image conjured up by 26.

    Sure, they’re all horribly ugly analogies, but ugly is funny.

  56. […] well-turned simile is a work of art. A poor simile is, well, pretty funny. Here’s a list of 56 similes that were supposedly written by high schoolers. I suspect a few of them are fake, but they’re all good. A few […]

  57. I would like to point out that many of these are in fact similes that Douglas Adams used. Of course his was such a genius that he used them purposely to make a statement about the ridiculousness of “life, the universe, and everything.”

  58. Blackcat says:

    what the hell means “Geschpooklichkeit” ????
    … that isn’t a word, not even in Germany! :D (and i can say, because i’m from Germany!) ^^

  59. Wonderful writing! Some sound like bad detective novels… which are actually good because they’re poorly written on purpose.. (double-checking all my spelling and grammar before posting due to the lack of fibre [< that one's correct, I'm Canadian]) mega lolz

  60. Ah, makes me think of the famous saying “Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.” – Winston Churchill

  61. Bamboozer. says:

    I think some are unintentionally funny, and some are funnily intentional,
    just like some are intentionally funny, and some are funnily unintentional.

  62. Jimbo says:

    number 4 could be the most brilliant simile ever! Taken out of context it seems like crap, but what if the narrator was a TV addict and related everything to their viewing habits? It would be brilliantly in character and still portray what the author intended!

    unless it’s just a really BAD simile….

  63. Christina says:

    As an educator and life-long student, I definitely found these “analogies” quite comical, some silly in an ironic sort of way, some quirky and quippy (if I may infuse some silliness myself). In response to the situation about the education system….. I can’t help but think about how so much of our society looks at intelligence, knowledge, and investing effort in exercising the brain muscles as geeky and not cool. That’s the way it feels in school, and out in social circles……. that’s why I try to remember to be comical and witty in my moments of expressing higher order thinking…..hahaha!

  64. […] The 56 best/worst similes has some good ones. My favorite from that list has to be: "She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can’t sing worth a damn." But I'm too tired to think of an all-time favorite. Hmm…"So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning-fork that had been struck upon a star," is a metaphor from my favorite book that's been bouncing around my head lately. Reply With Quote […]

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