Apathy and academia

I really wish I loved learning.

Maybe I need to read A Severe Mercy again to reignite the passionate scholar that I know I have buried in me somewhere.

Maybe it’s that I only feel challenged by the amount of time my work requires, not by the difficulty.

Maybe it’s that I’m just too plain exhausted.

Maybe I need to refocus something, somehow.

I’m starting with trying to eliminate useless distractions. I’ll allow myself to be distracted by good music or writing or knitting or ukulele-playing or baking or the spontaneous awesome conversations my roomie and I tend to have in the middle of the night, but Facebook and other such black holes must go, at least for now. When I’m as dispassionate about schoolwork as I have been, I’m frustratingly vulnerable to being captured by those things.

I haven’t written a good, substantial blog in a long time, which is partly because I’ve been having a lot of good conversations with people lately and therefore I’m not so bursting-at-the-seams with unexpressed thoughts to blog regularly. Equally as much of the time, though, it’s that I’m so mentally exhausted that even if I feel thoughtful, articulating my thoughts is a daunting task.

I need to relearn how to find joy in challenging myself. And maybe I even need to relearn how to challenge myself in the first place.

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Apathy and academia

2 thoughts on “Apathy and academia

  1. Hannah says:

    I don’t think I would consider “good music or writing or knitting or ukulele-playing or baking or the spontaneous awesome conversations my roomie” as useless distractions. You do love learning. You love learning about people and music and the ukulele.

    Passions can take a rest form time to time and perhaps your schoolwork is taking a rest. You’re getting it done and learning from life outside of schoolwork. No harm in that. Sometimes the body speaks up for itself…and you’ve been sick so I think it’s forcing you to rest. And…it’s fricken 3am and I really have no idea what I just said.

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