I really wish I loved learning.
Maybe I need to read A Severe Mercy again to reignite the passionate scholar that I know I have buried in me somewhere.
Maybe it’s that I only feel challenged by the amount of time my work requires, not by the difficulty.
Maybe it’s that I’m just too plain exhausted.
Maybe I need to refocus something, somehow.
I’m starting with trying to eliminate useless distractions. I’ll allow myself to be distracted by good music or writing or knitting or ukulele-playing or baking or the spontaneous awesome conversations my roomie and I tend to have in the middle of the night, but Facebook and other such black holes must go, at least for now. When I’m as dispassionate about schoolwork as I have been, I’m frustratingly vulnerable to being captured by those things.
I haven’t written a good, substantial blog in a long time, which is partly because I’ve been having a lot of good conversations with people lately and therefore I’m not so bursting-at-the-seams with unexpressed thoughts to blog regularly. Equally as much of the time, though, it’s that I’m so mentally exhausted that even if I feel thoughtful, articulating my thoughts is a daunting task.
I need to relearn how to find joy in challenging myself. And maybe I even need to relearn how to challenge myself in the first place.